Lord, You have been our refuge
in every generation.
Before the mountains were born,
before You gave birth to the earth and the world,
from eternity to eternity, You are God.
Psalm 90:1-2, HCSB
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| Photo by Big Al |
"I don't know," I said. "I don't feel old enough for that number. I guess," I hesitated. "I guess I feel like I've wasted a lot of time, not really done anything important with my life."
He nodded, having reached the milestone the previous year.
At the end of my first decade, I spent all my time at school, the piano, or the ballet studio. I dreamed of dancing with the New York City Ballet someday, even while my Barbies always seemed to be Ivy League professors.
At the end of the second decade, a different dream altogether lay about me, shattered by the stripping away of illusions about a community I loved and trusted. I didn't know what came next but spent long hours over the piano keyboard and the Scriptures trying to figure it out.
Teach us to number our days carefully
so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts.
Psalm 90:12, HCSB
My third decade ended weeks after our missionary endeavors. No one but me even marked the milestone because of greater concern over lupus diagnosis two days prior. I had no dreams for the future and no piano in our apartment, but Allen, Steinway, the Scriptures, and family supported me through.
My fourth decade ended with renewed lupus concerns but two months of slow improvement. I'm weary of chasing dreams beyond two very short-term ones: the possibility of a women's Bible study at a neighborhood church whenever possible over the next eight weeks and a tiny opportunity to serve our church by writing and editing for an in-house publication.
Then a minor amount of knee discomfort at midweek had me hobbling with a cane by Saturday and progressed to both knees Saturday evening. Now even those small dreams are back in God's hands, pending consultation with one doctor this afternoon and possibly another Thursday.
Psalm 90 formed my prayer the morning of my birthday, and I'm returning to it today, praying it for myself and for you.
LORD—how long?
Turn and have compassion on Your servants.
Satisfy us in the morning with Your faithful love
so that we may shout with joy and be glad all our days.
Make us rejoice for as many days as You have humbled us,
for as many years as we have seen adversity.
Let Your work be seen by Your servants,
and Your splendor by their children.
Let the favor of the Lord our God be on us;
establish for us the work of our hands—
establish the work of our hands!
Psalm 90:13-17, HCSB
I'm worshiping the Lord with thanksgiving, for He is good, and His steadfast love endures forever, and also for the following:
2701. Wonderful birthday celebrations with family last week
2702. High tea with Mom, sisters, and youngest nephews
2703. Sacrifices made of time, convenience, and effort to help me celebrate
2704. Birthday dinner with my love
2705. Fragrance of roses filling the house
2706. God's grace for post-holiday emotional slump
2707. A friend's birthday to extend the celebration
2708. Knees turning traitor at week's end
2709. Family and friends with experience to advise and equipment to help until I can see the doctor
2710. Allen available to keep me in line, resting
2711. Prayers of God's people, those I know and those I don't, bringing peace amid uncertainty
2712. Gracious, thoughtful gift on the way from a bookish crumble
2713. Assurance of God's promises, none missing their mark
2714. Wealth of books and magazines to help pass the time
2715. God's strength in weakness
2716. Beautiful, springlike weekend weather
2717. Doctor able to see me today
2718. God's unchanging mercies throughout the changing decades
Linking as usual to the community giving thanks at Ann's site
(Blogger is making mischief with the line and paragraph spacing. Sorry about that!)